It has been too long since my last post. The truth is that I have a good list of excuses for it. In fact, I have a good list of reasons for it too. Yup, those two things can be quite different, and I am here today to share both with you.
In life we have the choice to see something as an excuse or obstacle that keeps us away from our goal. Or we can see something as a reason or motivation towards our goal. This is my attempt to switch perspectives: turning my excuses into reasons. For reasons that I won’t be sharing on this post, I’ve been under a lot of stress since the beginning of this year. I usually think of stressful situations as opportunities or motivating reasons to change things for the better. However, since January it has been hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
That is just life. We find ourselves in situations that make us grow, that challenge us to improve and to move on. But I am only human. And there are times when these situations take away the best of me leaving me on a negative situation. No, nothing majorly crazy has happened but I’ve had quite a bit of stuff on my plate and it has been challenging to have control of it all. I don’t think I am a control freak, but I am most certainly the kind of person who thrives better on a plan rather than impromptu. Stress takes a toll on a person’s life and is something I minimize as much as possible.
Now, when I say I keep stress to a low it doesn’t mean that I have a perfect life free of struggle. It just means that I look for the positive in everything and try to find ways to create growth of the challenges I have to face. Trust me, sh!t happens to me too but it is all about how you process it and how you act on it. The last months have been on the stressful side for me and that is something that needs to change pronto. I wish I was the kind of person that runs to cope with stress… oh man, that would be awesome! But sadly, I am one of the many who eats his/her feelings for comfort and binge eating is no bueno under any circumstances in my opinion.
So I lost control of emotions and pushed myself into comfort food that is not just unhealthy but in fact truly makes me sick because of my food intolerances. Trust me I have tried to have a better control the last 5+ months over my food but I haven’t been quite successful at it. I have gained 10+ lbs which is rather not ideal for someone like me because I am short, so it seriously is more noticeable than if I were taller and most importantly because I want to be healthy. There. I said it! Cat is out of the bag.
Now let me add one super-duper important piece here: I am not defined by my weight. The number on the scale is just that: a number. I am not a better person or a worse person based on that number on the scale. It sure is better for my health to keep that number under control but I am not planning to go down to just bones at any time. This mama gotta have some meat! Just saying here. Again, I am not defined by my weight, but I am terribly disappointed on myself for allowing unhealthy behaviors push away the good ones. Trust me, I feel it!
I think balance is critical for a healthy diet. I mean not banning any food groups but knowing that some of them need to be limited. I think is fine to occasionally treat yourself to things that while not healthy are sure yummy like pizza, cake, ice cream, cocktails. The frequency of this “cheat meals” is what is important to keep an eye after. Is okay to have Moscow Mule say once or twice a month but is a different story if you have it every day. That is what I mean by balance: eat lots of the yummy natural organic (if possible) whole foods and limit processed and unhealthy food. At least that is how I try to do it except lately where the unhealthy processed foods seem to be debuting on my meals every time. I know, no bueno!
That is just what I do. When I am in a situation that stresses me out I try to balance it with a situation that brings me extra joy. Cake brings me extra joy! Like seriously lots of it! But not only is cake not so very healthy but it also makes my stomach upset because of the food intolerances I mentioned before. That is why I know I need to stop it. Is not the weight I gained because I am still curvilicious and beautiful but I do feel the difference in my body. My pants are feeling tighter and most importantly my stomach is so not happy with me right now. I don’t like any of those feelings. I like to be able to enjoy my day without stomach pains and discomfort. I need to make a change.
And this is part of it. Taking a step back. Sharing with you what I am going through in the event there is one other person out there who feels like me or struggles with the same. Sometimes we feel better about our struggles when we know we are not alone. And I know I am not alone. I have received great support from my Fit Sisters and they keep reminding me to focus on my goals and they cheer me on every day. How lucky am I! I have also started reading Body of Truth and it sure has helped me to see things with a new clear perspective.
I had to take a step back and do an assessment. Why am I obsessed with those extra pounds I gained? Am I really less of a beautiful woman if my abs don’t show? Should people really judge me because “I’ve let myself go” which implies I don’t care about myself and pretty much gave up? No, no and HELL NO! I care about myself just as much if not more right now. I coped with stress (the excuses I referred to at the beginning) in unhealthy way but that doesn’t make me less of the badass I know I am! There is no one size or specific weight that is the ideal happy or perfect for us all. Why? Because we are all different and being healthy means different for every single one of us.
I have a new definition for healthy that applies to me only. This is my new reason. That is all I can do and that is all I should care about. Haters gonna hate and that’s their choice. I want to live my life free of people’s expectations and focus only on what makes me happy and makes me a better person. I invite you to do the same. Define your healthy and work towards that and let the rest slide.
Mama Bear Kim