It has been a while since my last post. The truth is that it has been a real struggle to be able to focus and share the things that bring joy to my life. We were going though unprecedented times with the pandemic, and now there is so much anger because of the injustice in our failed US system. And I see that the lack of respect for life, especially of Black people who have suffered for way too long, will no longer be accepted. People all over the world are speaking about this and trying to educate themselves about racism. This fight is only starting…
And while this movement is taking off with strength, I found myself not being able to share about the things I planned on. Why? It feels like it would be disrespectful to focus on anything other than fighting racism or finding a cure to Covid-19, which last time I checked was still a real issue. And that brings me even more mixed feelings… considering ALL that is going on our world, are we allowed to feel joy? Is that selfish?
Focusing on the negative or getting stuck with the problems won’t solve them. We most face them. But is making the time to recharge your energy with the things that bring joy ignoring the problem? That is what I get puzzled and stuck. I heard someone say that we must learn to appreciate the good and celebrate our victories even when the world is not a happy place for all, or the middle of an epidemic for instance. Think about it, every year we celebrate Christmas (I know not everyone celebrates it but is a good example for this). We do all the things that make our Christmas magical whatever that might be for each one of us. And the fact that some people don’t celebrate it, or that some people celebrate differently, or that some people might have limitations with no fancy presents and humble food, or that there are sick people all over the world, or that there is still poverty in the world are not things that make us enjoy our Christmas any less, right? But why? Does this mean we don’t care about all of those things? Not necessarily… actually, not at all!
Each one of us faces different challenges. And in my Christmas scenario before, maybe you worked hard all year to buy your kids that special present, and you have every right to enjoy the moment and share the joy it brings them to have that special present and it brings you for getting it for them. Or maybe you live away from your family because of your work and Christmas is the only time you get together every year, and you have every right to enjoy that family time. Or maybe you volunteered all year in a needed community and you know you’ve done a great deal of share to help others, and you have every right to enjoy that magical celebration that renews your hope to continue helping the next year. I mean… you get it right? There has always been pain in the world and we have always continued with our lives trying to make the best of it. I knew having kids would be painful in so many ways but that fear didn’t stop me from doing it and enjoy my babies and trying to make the best world I can for my family.
So… no. I don’t think is selfish to try to find joy during all that is going on. Is not selfish. Is rather needed. For my mental, physical and spiritual well-being I have to do the things that make me a better person. Because when you become the best version of yourself you can do more for others. You can help them fight their fight. You can be a strong ally. You can be a better friend. You can take better care of your family. And it has taken me a long minute to get myself to this place. My brain and heart kept going back and forth on this situation but they have finally agreed that is okay to continue experiencing all those warm feelings that make this life so amazing.
So this is the first thing I am doing to unstuck myself. I write. I tell you my story. I share my thoughts with you. I finally post something on my blog. This is a very simple thing that helps me move on and tackle my to-do list next and work on the projects I want to do and I want to share with you. If you were too struggling with peace in the middle of the storm, know you are not alone. There are several of us stuck in our feelings. And I surely hope this helps you to also move on. This might not work for all, but is working for me and there is a good chance it can work for you too.
See you soon!
Mama Bear Kim